I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
