I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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