Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
