Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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