I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
