Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
