I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
