Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
