Don't you send me to vm
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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