Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
