If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
