yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
