i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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