Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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