Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
