areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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