I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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