remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
