is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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