It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
