i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
