I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Randomize
