we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
