You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
