Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
