You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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