Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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