Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
