I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
