Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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