If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
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