If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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