Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
