Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
