I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Still dying that you shit outside
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
