drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
