So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
