Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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