New low: just hacked my moms facebook
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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