I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
