Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
