so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
