I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
