Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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