how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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