we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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