i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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