giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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