so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
