Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
