She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
These tits shall not be calmed
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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