You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My ass is underappreciated
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
