what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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