why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Someone shattered a urinal.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
