I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
