hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
