Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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