Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
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They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
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I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.