It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
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i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
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What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.