shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
As shirtless as possible
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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