Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
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Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
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I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
What a dumb baby whore.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.