I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?