i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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