Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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