i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
