3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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