Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
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I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
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Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
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