I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
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