i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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