I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
