Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
