Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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