I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
