Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
