I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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