Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
