i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
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He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
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This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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