and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
