Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
