I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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