Nicole vs. Life
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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