So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
