Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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